Friday, September 17, 2021

What you Need - Aftermath of Jim's Passing - Jim's Timeline

 Shiloh, IL  (Hi 88  Lo 65)

I came back from my sister's on Monday. I had a hard time coming into the apartment for the first time alone. It's the emptiness that's getting to me. There's so many women that have walked this path of losing a partner, so I'm trying to pull myself together and get things done. 

I'm coming across things you'll need after a spouse's death. ALL passwords to the subscriptions online and anything else that's password protected. The computer itself may have a password. I knew that one so no problem. If the spouse is computer savvy, there's tons of subscriptions to cancel. This week was waiting on the death certificates so I could cancel and change info for insurance, military insurance and pay, dentals changes, There's so much to get done. I had one of the companies to call as early as possible before people start calling from different time zones. By 2:30 I had made 10 calls and everyone answered and paperwork is on the way for signing. 

This is from a blog reader and very good info. Thank you Phyllis E. for the info

I would suggest to all .... copy of will to each child. (We have 5 between us and want all to have an understanding). A spread sheet of who to notify with numbers given to one of the children. Another spread sheet listing items that we want certain people to be given. Another list given to each child of where things are such as key to safes, list of passwords, all financial info such as number of Financial planner and what bills are paid online, etc.

I picked up the death certificates on Thursday. I had seven copies made which is what was suggested by several people. Since Covid is still in effect a lot of meetings are online and paperwork scanned and emailed. There is a few like Social Security that wants the original which will be sent back. I never trust the mailing system so hopefully it will work for a change and get it there and back. 

I want to thank you for the prayers, cards and calls this week. It's so surreal it's only been a week but in some ways it seems like a year.  I found out you have to have a marriage license along with the death certificate. I thought all was ok, but now I can't get into online banking and I can't get into the car insurance online website. I'll have to make more calls on Monday. 

Friday was the North Carolina zoom meeting with everyone. One couple was missing but still got caught up on this weeks activities. The MS bike ride was last weekend in New Bern. I've worked the one years ago in Raleigh with amateur radio, so that was a good update. This should be a better week. 

I'm putting in the time-line for Jim. I want it where I can always find it and also for others to know what we went thru for Glioblastoma. 

GLIOBLASTOMA – 4

This is a week or month observation from a wife’s point of view

 It started December 2020.   Change in words, month should have been miles, or different items with different names.

 April 20  Droopy mouth that didn’t last long, just a couple hours after a two mile walk

 April   Sleeping while reading, long periods of a time not just normal naps. 

 May   Slurred words at times but not all the time.

 May  Acting like he can’t hear, not understanding while reading (comprehension) reading things over and over

May 21, 2021  we started a trip from Florida to Illinois and took 3, when driving kept going right

Three day travel, speech was slurred, barely audible at times

May 23 we arrived in Illinois with the kids

In one day, the speech wasn’t good, almost not understandable

Hospital May 25,  Barnes in St Louis

MRI showed tumor 2.3 cm

 Problems with dehydration (this is a huge problem)

 Hospital and Rehab – Radiation and chemo for three weeks

 June 2021 very little speech he knows what your saying but no way to relay it to anyone. Very few words discernable. He has aphasia

 July 5  2021 weaker on right side,  Right hand can’t hold cups and glasses very well.  Lots of spillage with food intake

 Aug 3  2021  beginning with falling a few times.  Thinks he can walk but can’t. (walker)

 Aug 7 Can’t find the buttons on the remote. Aggravation is higher.

 More incontinence

 Feeding him more often

 Less strength on right side needing more help on the walker

 August 10 --- MRI results, tumor has almost doubled 3.5x3.5x3.5 Dr says he has weeks

 August 12   Hospice brought bed, gloves, depends, pads, oxygen, generator for oxygen, wider toilet seat. We are now signed up for hospice.

 August 14 – Got up and couldn’t walk. Gave him a bottle of water (dehydration) he got up and walked to bathroom then collapsed. No more walking.

 August 17 – Still eats, but sleeps a lot more

 August 20, Nurse says maybe end of next week will be the last,  started oxygen machine

 August 22, All the family came and he knew them all. Stayed awake from 6:30 to 2:00 when everyone left

 He’s been constipated and nothing for 14 day for past 3 days there’s been a handful of poo

 Family was here over the weekend. He stayed awake all but 2 hrs of sleep

 August 23,  Slept the entire night and day. Woke up long enough to have oatmeal and donut.

 August 24, the opposite of yesterday. Woke 6:30 ate breakfast and lunch before falling asleep.

 August 27,  very restless all night, ate a good breakfast then back to sleep

 August 28, Took some avian for restless and  leg shaking

August 31, impacted bowel. Used fleet for enema, eating a lot less

                During the night gave ativan and morphine

 Sept 3, Nurse said bowels weren’t moving as much, still no bowel movement

 Sept 5, nurse said 24 to 48 hrs, restless and seemed to be in pain giving  .50 morphine and Ativan

 Sept 6, Sleeping and not moving, every 4 hrs morphine and Ativan

 Sept 8, Died at 1:30am.....

Total damage:  No right side feeling or use, no speech from the very beginning, lost eyesight, no walking or moving much. 

7 comments:

owensontheroad said...

Good to put the timeline in writing for the future. It gets better day by day. Lots to do, I hated the paperwork that you have to do. Good that you got lots of death certs. I found only a handful want original copies. It all gets done eventually, hang in there.

Phyllis said...

You are an inspiration to others who will have to go through this trauma. Take comfort in that.

I would suggest to all .... copy of will to each child. (We have 5 between us and want all to have an understanding). A spread sheet of who to notify with numbers given to one of the children. Another spread sheet listing items that we want certain people to be given. Another list given to each child of where things are such as key to safes, list of passwords, all financial info such as number of Financial planner and what bills are paid online, etc.

Again, hugs and love sent to you.

Marti said...

Still praying for you! Thank you for sharing vital information, despite your loss. So many are praying and pulling for you. Hang in there. 💔

joyce Koprowski said...

Moving forward is the hardest to do. We were camping, so I had time to get used to being ‘alone’ during my cross country drive. Now, it’s easier, but never easy. It gets lonely, but thank Godfrey Christian radio.

Meandering Maddi said...

You are a strong woman Dee. You are handling everything beautifully! Jim would be so pleased and proud of you. Remembering you in our prayers.
Jim & Judy

Ann said...

Months after my husband died, I received two checks for class action lawsuits that he had signed up for. You know those little papers you get occasionally. One check was for $573. and the other was for $57. I hadn't even known that he had done that.

A tenant sent me a letter from an insurance company a year after my mother-in-law died. Her son ended up with an extra $15,000 from a policy he didn't know about.

My advice. OPEN EVERYTHING THAT COMES WITH YOUR HUSBAND'S NAME ON IT EVEN IF IT LOOKS LIKE JUNK!!!!

Don't forget to take care of yourself. Ann M

Bill Joyce said...

When my father died, who was retired Army, the Army sent someone to help my mother with all of this. It sounds like that is a thing of the past. So sad.