Thursday, October 6, 2011

Decision Made

(NC State Fairgrounds, Raleigh, NC)  Hi 75 Lo 51 -- I'll start with yesterday and go through today.

Yesterday, we went to another assisted care facility. We liked it a lot, but there was a buzzer that went off almost the whole time we were there that drove us both nuts. I can't imagine having to listen to that the whole time you live there.  It was alarms set off by people in their rooms, or a secure or emergency door that was opened. We visit mom every day, but every time we go we have a short time before we have to go somewhere  to see another facility. We're eating on the run. We went to Fayetteville about and hour and half away last night to meet with mom's financial adviser. We stayed for a couple hours and developed a plan to consolidate mom's finances. Jim has a lot of phone calls to make and details to take care of.

That brings us to today. Jim was on the phone all morning getting financial paperwork sent to us. We should have it all in shape before we leave in three weeks. We left to go to mom's apartment to get some clothes for her. We got to her room for a visit, but again we had to leave about an hour later. We've decided to put in an application at Carillon Assisted Care in Fuquay-Varina. We went there to pay a deposit and got a whole pile of paperwork to fill out. Tomorrow I'll sit with mom and get her help with it. As of now we're thinking she'll be released from rehab and move into her new home next Friday. But that's very tentative right now.

This evening we had dinner with some friends to catch them up with our travels, and find out what they've been up to this summer. Now that we've settled on a home for mom we hope to have a little more free time and get our lives back to normal. We still have to work on the finances and clear out the apartment, but the sense of urgency has died down some. Mom isn't much better yet. We're hoping this rehab will do her good. She's having trouble getting up from the bed and chair, but once up she walks good with a walker. Her mental outlook seems to be changing rapidly. She's always been very independent and proud of her ability to handle her finances, and treasured her belongings. Now she appears ready to give all that up. She's leaving every decision to us and says she'll "do whatever we want her to." I guess we should be thankful for that, but I hope it isn't a sign that depression is setting in. We'll see...

16 comments:

Kevin and Ruth said...

Happy to see that you have found somewhere for your mother to live that you feel comfortable with. It is so hard having to try and make the correct decisions for them. We are always so use to them looking after us even after all these years and then to have the tables turn and have us looking after them. I hope you are able to relax a little now that you have this looked after.

Kevin and Ruth
www.travelwithkevinandruth.com

Elaine said...

So happy to see you have found a great home for your mom...the rest will fall into place...and you will get it all done...hope you can rest a bit now that the sense of urgency is lifted...

hugs

Dan and Gail said...

I've been reliving the same experiences with my mom as I've read your blog for the past days. It is a role reversal that we aren't quite prepared for, but I was so thankful that my mom felt like it was time to let us take care of her, and actually had talked about it for about a year. She actually asked to have me added to her bank accounts because she worried that she might forget to pay a bill, and wanted to be sure that didn't happen!!!!

I've felt your stress and anxiety over the past few days as you've worked through all this. But, I can honestly say, the relief that I felt when she moved into the assisted living facility was immeasureable. And knowing that I (and my sisters) had thoroughly researched all the options, made us very comfortable with our choice.

And "Kudos" to Jim for taking on his mother-in-law's finances. What a great guy!!!

Get some rest an enjoy getting her settled in her new place.
Hugs to both of you.

Gypsy said...

Making the decision about a facility has to be a big load off your mind. I hope the rehab helps your mom, both physically and mentally.

Levonne said...

I hope your mom isn't getting depressed either. My positive thoughts are with you all as you move forward in this major transition.

GGuncle said...

i've only know you & jim a short time, but i know with gods help you will pass these hurtles too.my prayers are with you both & both of your families.

Gail and Rick (Gypsy Turtles) said...

I hope that now that the decision has been made, things will be easier for you. Neither of us have been there yet with our mothers, but it's looming in both our futures.
Perhaps it's not depression that she's feeling but just a desire to let someone else handle things.
Hang in there!

Jim and Sandie said...

So glad to hear that you've found a place that your Mom will feel secure and happy in. Not an easy time but I felt so much relief when we moved dad to assisted living. He really liked it and loved the care and attention he got.

Nancy and Bill said...

It was just a little over a year ago that we moved my mother. I want you to know that once they are moved and given time to adjust, they are much better off. While it will never be "Home", my mother is much more social and not as isolated as she was before she moved. She is around people that she has things in common with. I beat myself up about moving her, but now I know it was absolutely the best for her. It is NOT easy, but it is for her best interest! Be sure to take care of yourself also :o))

Karen and Al said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karen and Al said...

I'm glad you found a nice home for her. Count your blessings that she's not fighting you. She may very well be a little depressed, but I'll bet she'll enjoy her new home once she meets some new friends.

Anonymous said...

I agree w/ the rest, nice to know she will be a nice place. She probably is a little depressed, after all none of us want to give up any part of our independence and if you are any indication, your mom is a strong woman and doesnt want to burden anyone else.
But I'm sure as soon as she settles in and has others to talk to and enjoy she will probably feel the same freedom so many RVers feel when they leave the day to day responsibilties and follow their traveling dreams.
Donna W.

squawmama said...

Sounds like things are falling in place for mom... I am sure she'll have a little depression over this move but she will make friends there and all will work out well. She is lucky to have you both to help her with decisions. This is hard on you all.
{{{HUGS to you all}}}
Donna

Budd Nash said...

Just a personal observation but you Mom's independence may be suffering from the meds she is on.

I would believe this before depression because a person that has truly lived independently understands that things change and does some internal preparation. When the realization hits that "I can't do this or that, anymore" they usually take a step back from everything to see what they can do.

Those that truly become depressed just stop trying, and pretty much just sleep. As long as she is involved in her own therapy, I don't think you need to be too concerned that she might be depressed.

However, if she is not getting enough deep restful sleep, she may be getting a little sleep deprived and that can look a lot like depression. A lot of meds can interfere with 3rd and 4th level rem sleep and without it, a person in distress will become something of a zombie after awhile.

I hope this is all that it is and once she can get a real daily routine in place she will once again have some external structure to her life that she can plan to engage.

I hope you/she likes the Fuquay Carillon facility as much as we like the one in KnightDale. They are a class act for sure.

God Speed.

Mike and Terri said...

Thank goodness for your wheels so that you can be with your mother as long as necessary, and God bless you as you work through all of this. We hope the stress is beginning to ease up for you now that you've made the decision on a facility. We're thinking of you.

Kathy said...

Hopefully, your momma will make lots of new friends and settle into her new home comfortably.
Blessings, Kathy